I am me, Vladimir Concescu, the Chief Product Engineer at the DuroSport Electric Company.

And I just wanted to statement for recording a single thing: I had nothing to do with “Smell of Books.” Our product that we are releasing and recalled in a single day. Shaming! That was the entirement of Nero’s idea. I am not in understanding at all of why he is doing such a project. I am calling it: “Nero’s Follicle.”

Now, you are asking: why, Vladimir, why are you not in the “Smell of Books” project? Good question: I am, after all, the Chief Product Engineer of the DuroSport Corporation, and is logic to assuming I am the involvment. But not. Not!!

So, here is my storytelling: I was not in the “Smell of Books” project because I am busy doing The Sex Rehab in the months of February and March. I had no internets or DuroPhone (prototype) or any type of communicate at all. I was only hoping that Nero is not using my doing The Sex Rehab as opportune to building any of his stupid ideals. Stupid!

Still he was. And as you are very plain to see, DuroSport is needing me for every product we release. I would be killing “Smell of Books” before first minute with laughter at Nero’s stupidityness. At least, with the product ideals. Nero is very very smart in the marketing. Marketing!

Maybe now, he will be letting me in the building the products alone, and he can be doing whatever it is he is doing in the market portion when I am in the building of the products. Because DuroSport is going to have a new, big announcing, very soon.

I am not telling you what the announcing is about, only that it is an ideal I had when I was doing the Sex Rehab. I can only say this one saying: it will be the biggest of all. Very excitement!

For now, however, we will put Nero’s Follicle behind the back burning, and move exorably towards the future.

We have just learned that our aerosol can supplier in China mistakenly shipped us a small number of recycled cans. In some cases New Books Smell labels were inadvertently affixed to cans that actually contain new car smell.

Please note that this mixup will not cause any harm to the consumer or to the electronic books. It is just that these cans will not produce the scent that you are expecting.

If you have already purchased a can of New Book Smell you may return it to the store for a full refund. However, it is very important that you understand that you are under no obligation to do so. In fact, we strongly encourage you to use these cans in an automobile. They will work especially well if you have a very old automobile. It probably will not be noticeable if your automobile is new.

I must apologize for this unfortunate incident. This is obviously not what we had in mind when we created the Smell of Books. We are working to address this problem and return the product to the market as quickly as possible. Please continue to check this website for updates.

Thank you.

I am not sure, but I believe that this so-called guild is the government department that oversees the bohemians who write the stories. I am checking with our lawyers right now to see if we must respond to this nonsense, or if I can give the letter to Vladimir to shred.

In the meantime, I would like to let you, the customer, know that we are doing everything we can to protect your right to smell your electronic books.

Here is the full text of the letter from “The Authors Guild”:

To whom it may concern:

The Authors Guild has recently been made aware of a new e-book related product called “Smell of Books”. This product has allegedly been designed to improve the e-book reading experience by simulating the smell of a real book.

While the Authors Guild supports efforts to improve the digital reading experience, we believe this product represents a significant threat to the development of aroma rights, and as such, will adversely impact the rights of our members.

It is important to note that in the digital era, books, and the smell of books, have been decoupled. In the future we expect authors to participate in the development of custom aromas for their books. These olfactory rights constitute a derivative right to be licensed separately. The preservation of these rights is essential as authors explore new markets and distribution channels.

Allowing unauthorized third parties to provide the “scent” for a book substantially changes the underlying work to a degree that infringes upon the author’s copyright, not to mention artistic vision.

Today the Authors Guild is calling on the DuroSport Corporation to remove the Smell of Books product line from the market. Furthermore, we are advising our members to refrain from licensing aroma rights until we have more clarity on this issue.

Even though it has been many years since we made this book reading software, I still think about electronic books every day. It is probably because I have a bookshelf full of electronic books on floppy disk in my office. I keep hoping that some day the electronic books will come back and be popular again. It is starting to look like that might happen soon.

In the past year we have noticed many companies have begun manufacturing “electronic book reading machines”. Most of these machines are laughably small and have inferior screens that are difficult to read. It is certainly not like reading a book on the Tandy.

Still, these machines have caused us to think that now might be a good time to get back into the electronic book business.

Normally our engineers would simply design a new DuroSport product that would crush the competition. This is easy to do because our machines are always much larger and heavier than the competition.

Unfortunately the electronic book business is much more complicated than other areas of the electronics industry.

First, there are many different electronic book formats and no one can seem to agree on which one is best. Personally I am betting on DTML (DuroSport Text Markup Language). Unfortunately the DTML is still in the development phase and will not be ready to go for a little while.

There is also a problem with the stories. What will the people read on these electronic book reading machines? We cannot write the books ourselves. That is a job for bohemians.

All of these things will take time to sort out, but we cannot wait. As our Chairman said during the recent board meeting, companies like The Amazon and Sony are eating our lunch. We cannot allow that. We should be eating our own lunch.

After doing some very time consuming and tedious market research we have finally arrived at a solution. Our research has shown that 85% of consumers are not interested in electronic books. It is because 14% of the people we surveyed have never even heard of electronic books and 71% of the people we surveyed said that they do not like the way electronic books smell.

Actually, I believe that it is probably because they like the way paper books smell. Either way, it does not matter. Our new product will solve this problem once and for all.

Today DuroSport is releasing the Smell of Books in a can! It is an aerosol spray that you can apply as you would a deodorant, except that you spray it on the electronic book, and not under your arms (although you can do that too, but then you will smell like a book).

Our Smell of Books is compatible with every electronic book format and every brand of book reading machine. What is even better is that the Smell of Books is available in five flavors.

You can learn all about the Smell of Books product at our new website.

With the help of our friends in China we have recently received substantial investment capital. The DuroSport Corporation is now able to move forward with The Business as usual.

We are already seeing many changes and improvements as a result of The Stimulus. For example, we have all new office furniture. My new “power desk” arrived last week and I now have enough room to eat lunch at my computer. Also, I am sitting on The Aeron as I type this Blog Post. It was made by the Famous Seat Designer Herman Müller. It is so comfortable I do not want to go home at night. In fact, some nights I stay late and just sit in comfort.

We are also upgrading our important office systems. We have all new Tandy computers, and a new high speed modem for our customer support BBS. Next week we will be upgrading to WordStar 2007.

Unfortunately, I am beginning to realize that money cannot solve all of The Problems. Like Vladimir, for example. He has a new paper shredder. It is really huge. Normally I like equipment that is large, but this shredder might be too large. Vladimir can shred an entire ream of paper in 15 seconds. He is shredding everything in sight.

Vladimir is also spending too much time on his new CB Radio. He is always talking in The CB Slang. What does it mean when he says “WD-40 good buddy?”

I can live with these slight annoyances because there are so many exciting new projects under way. Like The Skunkworks Project which is now on The Fast Track.

It is an exciting time to be a DuroSport employee. It is an even better time to be a DuroSport customer.

I am me, Vladimir Concescu, Chief Product Engineer of DuroSport Electronic Company.

Long time with no hearing, because I am having been trying to saving the DuroSport Electronics Company. While Nero is overreactioning with pessimistic work stoppages, and suspicious firings in The Second Life, I am on the aeroplanes to Moldolva at working to getting more money from the Moldolvan Governing Economic Financement Overlord Body.

My arguing is very simplistic: DuroSport is too big for the failing.

If DuroSport is for the failing, then entire Moldolvan Economic Financement is for the failing, and the Communists win!!

And it is a successful arguing, as well, many Governing Overlords are in agreeance with me, and very soon will be the announcing that DuroSport is getting majorly cash infusements from Moldolvan Government.

Is is naturally that we have a dealing with the Government: that dealing is that we have to finish The Pütz DuroPhone in 2009, in other words with no cash from the Government without the DuroPhone in producting.

So, we shall do just that. Very excitement!

Look for more announcings on this soon.

I cannot tell you how unhappy this development makes me. That building was my home away from home and I loved it like a brother. A real brother, not a step brother.

I am sure you will have many questions about The Incident. First of all, I must tell you that The Explosion of our deuterium tritium charging station was what we call “an isolated occurrence”. In The First Life our charging stations rarely explode, and when they do the fire is usually MUCH smaller.

Also, some of you may be wondering where you can purchase a virtual Prism DuroSport. Sadly, The Answer is nowhere. They are no longer for sale. If you were lucky enough to buy one you now own A Collectible.

In my last post I mentioned that we were planning to close The DuroStore as a cost cutting measure. Next week we were set to announce our big Going Out Of Business in The Second Life Sale. In fact, I have already ordered The Signs.

I want to assure all of you that this fire was in no way related to The Insurance. Of course, we will be filing a claim for the loss of The Building. We have paid our premiums, why not use the policy now that we need it?

While you are crying about the DuroStore I might as well break even more bad news to you. Otto the Durosport Security Robot was also killed by the fire. All of us here at the DuroSport headquarters send our regards to Otto’s family.

The video below was reconstructed from various surveillance cameras that were watching the store 24 and 7. Please say goodbye to our fine store while it burns down.

I am me, Vladimir Concescu, Chief Product Engineer of DuroSport Electronic Company.

Here I am, with a new announcing: DuroSport is winning $300 million dollars from U.S. Senator John McCain for Best Car Battery: the DuroSport Utility Deutrium-Tritium Batterizer 8002.

This is our promising: our battery is keeping your car on the run for up to 1 Full Year in a single charging! This will making us winning. Very excitement!

How is this coming from, you can say? Easing! In surfing the internets today, I am seeing the headline as following: Sen. McCain offers $300 million prize for new auto battery.

I am think: wait! DuroSport has already previous developing the revolutionizing Deutrium-Tritium battery for the Prism 6000, and have instant turned the entire DuroSport Producting Department to autoizing it!

We are today prototypical a car-sized versioning — The DuroSport Utility Deutrium-Tritium Batterizer 8002!! — which is winning Senator John McCain-giving prize for three reasonings:

1. Can running autos for exactly as long as is plugged in! Up to a year! Imagining keeping your car on the run for a full year.
2. Is smallerized such that will fit in only half of your trunk. 4′ x 3′ x 3.’
3. Previously Deutrium-Tritium battery has been accusing of radioactivating people: Moldovan lawgivers are tell me saying that officially previous was only “slightly radioactive.” Problem is solving with fully lead casing. Now radioactivity legally downgrading to “barely noticiable.”

Thanking you very much, Senator McCain: please cheque should be making out with “DuroSport Electronics.”

I am me, Vladimir Concescu, Chief Product Engineer of the DuroSports Electronic Company.

Having been very gone from these blogger shores for quite some timing, I am owning an explanation to many of the fans of our company and producings. I was in studyment since my returning from Moldovan Prisonerness, and am readying to be working on great DuroSport Products (have you heard rumourings of DuroPhone?) sooner. Sooner!

First offering, however, is that today, February 29, 2008 is my birthing day. I am 32 years younger, now, ha ha! Happy birthing day to me! Happy birthing day to me! Nero is not remembering, of course, so partying at DuroSport office is minimized today.

Today is also 20th anniversary of my workings at DuroSport Electronics. I was in conscription on my 12th birthing day from DuroSport Militia to the workings in original DuroSport factory in Moldova. Now I am here in America, and have announcing of very importance. Importance!!

My studyment is over now, because I, Vladimir Concescu, am now a U.S. Citizenry! In additional, I am in voting for U.S. President! President!

But for who am I in voting, you are ask? At first, I am in the voting for Fred Thompson, because he is on television show: The Law and The Order. If he is on television show, I am in reasoning, then he must be smarter person than other non-television show on people candidacies.

In additionally, he must be knowing about both The Law and The Order. Knowing about The Law and keeping The Order is highly importance to Moldovan such as myself.

But then he is gone. Gone! Where is Mr. Thompson? Not a candidacy any more.

Then I am seeing Barack Obama on the TV. Now, seeing my MySpace page is proving that I am very much into the girl-liking, but he is very compulsory to me. Compulsory!

And when he is yelling the repeating words over and over, and cheering is loudening and loudening, suddenly I am in seizure with hoping and happiness for the future. The future!

Keep repeating the yelling words at me some more, Mr. Obama! I am liking the hoping and the happiness!

Also, his name is proving that he is foreigner American, like me! Foreigner Americans have perspectiveness on America unlike homeland Americans. I would be a great Presidential Candicacy because of my perspectiveness.

All of those reasonings — and more! — are why I, Vladimir Concescu, is Endorsing Barack Obama as my candicacy for the President of the United States of America. America!

After our last setback I knew that it would be a difficult challenge meeting the manufacturing deadline for the busy holiday season. Unfortunately we have made ABSOLUTELY NO PROGRESS in the last two months. How is that possible? I will tell you.

Shortly after returning from his stay in the Moldovan prison, Vladimir started behaving strangely (strange even for him). He refused to read any of the memos or product documents that had been written in his absence. So, I asked Vladimir how he planed to develop the new product without reading any of the specifications, and he says to me “I am going on a low information diet”.

That was not even an answer to my question. And what in the hell is a Low Information Diet?

Then Vladimir started refusing to attend our weekly meetings. He said that our meetings were a waste of time and started ranting about some Italian named Pareto.

Meanwhile, I could not help but notice that he does not consider The MySpace a waste of time, as he is still spending most of his day “chatting with the cuties” (his words, not mine).

There is no talking with Vladimir when he gets like this, so I sent him an email. And then I did not hear anything for a week. Finally, the following Monday morning he replies “Thank you for contacting the Vladimir Concescu with problems you have. My virtual assistant will be in contacting you with shortly”.

Virtual assistant?! The man does almost no work, why does he need an assistant?

Later that day I got a call on The Skype. It was from some lady in Bangalore. She told me that Vladimir had assigned my case to her and that she would be helping me resolve my problem. I will say that she was very polite, and her English was much better than Vladimir’s. But still, this is no way to do business.

Finally I cornered Vladimir at the coffee machine (if he is not on The MySpace or in the restroom, he is at the coffee machine). That is when he told me about his “muse”. He explained that he is starting a dating service with his girlfriends on The MySpace.

I asked him, what kind of muse is a MySpace dating service?!

Then he explains that he will need the income when he is on his “mini-retirement”.

Mini-retirement? He just spent three months lounging around the Moldovan prison racking up data access charges. And now his is retiring?

Then he hands me The 4-hour Workweek book and says, “I am going to escape 9-5, live anywhere, and join the new rich”. I was a little surprised by that, but then I noticed that it says those exact words on the cover. Vladimir is very impressionable.

So, the reason why there will be no Pütz for Christmas is because Vladimir read this stupid book.

Worse yet, the book has been making the rounds at The DuroSport headquarters. Now Otto in security is wanting to negotiate his schedule so he can work from home. I am sorry, I may be old fashioned, but security guard is not a job that can be done from home!

Mr. Timothy Ferris is the worst kind of moron. His stupid book is destroying our company. He is the enemy of capitalism! I came to America to get away from people like him.

Please Mr. Ferris, take your next mini-retirement in Romania and do not write any more books.