The problems never seem to stop around here. I am sorry to report that we must temporarily remove our new Smell of Books product from the market. I would like everyone to understand that this has NOTHING to do with those ridiculous claims being made by the bohemians at “The Authors Guild”.
We have just learned that our aerosol can supplier in China mistakenly shipped us a small number of recycled cans. In some cases New Books Smell labels were inadvertently affixed to cans that actually contain new car smell.
Please note that this mixup will not cause any harm to the consumer or to the electronic books. It is just that these cans will not produce the scent that you are expecting.
Earlier today I was very excited to tell all of you about our new Smell of Books product, but now it seems that we have a small problem. An organization calling itself “The Authors Guild” has just sent DuroSport a very threatening letter.
I am not sure, but I believe that this so-called guild is the government department that oversees the bohemians who write the stories. I am checking with our lawyers right now to see if we must respond to this nonsense, or if I can give the letter to Vladimir to shred.
In the meantime, I would like to let you, the customer, know that we are doing everything we can to protect your right to smell your electronic books.
Here is the full text of the letter from “The Authors Guild”:
To whom it may concern:
The Authors Guild has recently been made aware of a new e-book related product called “Smell of Books”. This product has allegedly been designed to improve the e-book reading experience by simulating the smell of a real book.
While the Authors Guild supports efforts to improve the digital reading experience, we believe this product represents a significant threat to the development of aroma rights, and as such, will adversely impact the rights of our members.
It is important to note that in the digital era, books, and the smell of books, have been decoupled. In the future we expect authors to participate in the development of custom aromas for their books. These olfactory rights constitute a derivative right to be licensed separately. The preservation of these rights is essential as authors explore new markets and distribution channels.
Allowing unauthorized third parties to provide the “scent” for a book substantially changes the underlying work to a degree that infringes upon the author’s copyright, not to mention artistic vision.
Today the Authors Guild is calling on the DuroSport Corporation to remove the Smell of Books product line from the market. Furthermore, we are advising our members to refrain from licensing aroma rights until we have more clarity on this issue.
Some of our older customers will remember that many years ago DuroSport created special software for reading electronic books on the Tandy computer system. As with all of the things we do here at DuroSport, our book reader was revolutionary at the time. Unfortunately, we were forced to discontinue the product as many people around the world moved to inferior computing systems like the Apple, the DEC Rainbow, and even the DOS.
Even though it has been many years since we made this book reading software, I still think about electronic books every day. It is probably because I have a bookshelf full of electronic books on floppy disk in my office. I keep hoping that some day the electronic books will come back and be popular again. It is starting to look like that might happen soon.
In the past year we have noticed many companies have begun manufacturing “electronic book reading machines”. Most of these machines are laughably small and have inferior screens that are difficult to read. It is certainly not like reading a book on the Tandy.
Still, these machines have caused us to think that now might be a good time to get back into the electronic book business.
Normally our engineers would simply design a new DuroSport product that would crush the competition. This is easy to do because our machines are always much larger and heavier than the competition.
I am happy to report that The Stimulus Package has finally arrived and things are looking much better here at The DuroSport Corporation.
With the help of our friends in China we have recently received substantial investment capital. The DuroSport Corporation is now able to move forward with The Business as usual.
We are already seeing many changes and improvements as a result of The Stimulus. For example, we have all new office furniture. My new “power desk” arrived last week and I now have enough room to eat lunch at my computer. Also, I am sitting on The Aeron as I type this Blog Post. It was made by the Famous Seat Designer Herman Müller. It is so comfortable I do not want to go home at night. In fact, some nights I stay late and just sit in comfort.
We are also upgrading our important office systems. We have all new Tandy computers, and a new high speed modem for our customer support BBS. Next week we will be upgrading to WordStar 2007.
I am very sad to report that The DuroStore in The Second Life was The Scene of a major explosion yesterday. Apparently our deuterium tritium charging station overheated and blew up. Naturally there was a BIG fire. The Building was totally engulfed in The Flames and is a complete and total loss.
I cannot tell you how unhappy this development makes me. That building was my home away from home and I loved it like a brother. A real brother, not a step brother.
I am sure you will have many questions about The Incident. First of all, I must tell you that The Explosion of our deuterium tritium charging station was what we call “an isolated occurrence”. In The First Life our charging stations rarely explode, and when they do the fire is usually MUCH smaller.
Also, some of you may be wondering where you can purchase a virtual Prism DuroSport. Sadly, The Answer is nowhere. They are no longer for sale. If you were lucky enough to buy one you now own A Collectible.
In my last post I mentioned that we were planning to close The DuroStore as a cost cutting measure. Next week we were set to announce our big Going Out Of Business in The Second Life Sale. In fact, I have already ordered The Signs.
I want to assure all of you that this fire was in no way related to The Insurance. Of course, we will be filing a claim for the loss of The Building. We have paid our premiums, why not use the policy now that we need it?
While you are crying about the DuroStore I might as well break even more bad news to you. Otto the Durosport Security Robot was also killed by the fire. All of us here at the DuroSport headquarters send our regards to Otto’s family.
The video below was reconstructed from various surveillance cameras that were watching the store 24 and 7. Please say goodbye to our fine store while it burns down.